Night Vigil

My sister's talking about going to a night vigil and I was transported back to one I attended a while ago and the thoughts I had going through my head. Thought I'd write them down..

Hands clasped tight and mind set right.
I squeezed my eyes shut and focused
the intensity of the war raging in my mind reflected on the frown on my face
I broke in sweats. For some reason, I couldn't get my mind right...

See, I want to be good, Lord
I want to be your perfect little daughter
will you claim me as yours?
maybe if I stayed in this pew long enough...

I peeked through my eye lids at the crowd around me
I am surrounded by intensity,
some people were so intent on making sure you heard each and every single syllable that escaped their lips. Is it that hard for you to hear sometimes?
Do I need to scream? stomp my feet? roll on the ground?
Then again, it's the fire burning on his tongue that leads the horse to the water
Water.

You are my refreshment.
I know of miserable nights shrouded in gloom and despair, turned upside down by a peace.
Peace I couldn't place my finger on but I knew it because it spread like wildfire.
So can I get back to that place Lord? where peace was like the air, the sea, and at my fingertips.
Where are you really though, when I need to find you?

I know I got caught up in some other stuff for a while
I thought I was living, till I looked down and saw myself disappearing
So I'm here. It's a night vigil and there's prayer in the air
I've got a burden in my heart that I can't place my finger on
I can't say a word, maybe because I'm distracted.

But you know what's up,
I'll sit here in this sea of prayers hoping you'll come pick me up.