What is a sex symbol?
Most people would say Marilyn Monroe was one. Yet she killed herself...
Being a sex symbol must not have been as much fun as one would think.
Sorry that was heartless..RIP Monroe. She was truly beautiful, like every woman is.
That's beside the point.....

My nights are dragged long, and I lay in bed, the heat high, fan low and my body in discomfort.
It's humorless and comical at once.
I traveled this far out, running away. Away from my existence that had begun to pool around me and drag me to the bottom. I was truly drowning.
So I'm on the road.

He looked me up and down, searing me with his eyes. Charred dirt began to creep over me, slowly filling up my pores and clogging up my body. I returned the stare, daring him to be a step ahead ahead of me. When he slowly made his way over- I watched his walk, he had that slight droop of a fatherless child. Almost imperceptible one can't see it with a naked eye...but I could. I could see the pit within him, and his intentions: the good, the bad and the ugly.
He reached me and his eyes told me a story, a story I had heard so many times I almost laughed. I could write the script in so many different ways, all leading to one finale but I let the scene play out.
It's humorless and comical at once, always being a stranger wearing the last town's dust. He looked at my skin and grabbed my arm pulling me towards him. An invitation I knew, in his world, I wouldn't dare turn down.
Letting myself fall, fall into that pit. My body hit the rock below and shattered into pieces. All was lost and all was gained in that moment. I shut my eyes and let paradise come to me, rainbows and green fields, blue skies and red soil, yellow rays from an orange sun. Birds and beasts and my body. No one could ever understand, I couldn't explain it because I didn't understand it either. I dreamed of paradise till I couldn't dream anymore. I waited for paradise, maybe a light from somewhere or somebody just holding me still, letting me curl up in them, keeping me sane, keeping me safe. Protecting me.

Pulling away took every ounce of strength in me, but I needed so much more to escape. So I gave up even before I could get to the boundaries. Maybe I was trapped, I went from pit to pit, conjuring up paradise for myself, they were self-made promises to come out of a self-inflicted pain. There is nothing worse than being the one that caused your slow death, it's almost as bad as watching yourself killing yourself slowly. Myself is vague and fleeting, she's almost never there, I don't know her- I've never met her. I merely exist and I'm running, fleeing that existence.

My nights drag long and the heat swells up around me, my thoughts never ending, dislike washes over my body and I keep awake- afraid to close my eyes lest paradise chooses this night to slip away.


  1. Hmmm… i don’t think I would like to be a sex symbol. I think they are just eye candy for everyone to stare at till the world is tired of them. They are hardly ever respected!

  2. Love it. Love it.
    You should read it next time at Rouge Lounge.

  3. hmmmm .... being a sex symbol has its ways of imprisoning one

  4. yay! Thanks for the comments! :)
    @In the midst of her that's true, they are hardly ever respected- it's sad too coz they know there's an expiry date on their reason for being.
    @Pen on paper Thank you! I don't know...hehe
    @Abi Tobi that's so true..anything worldy has a way of imprisoning one.


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