All Dressed Up

So what if I can't walk straight, or see clearly I thought to myself and giggled nervously. This was another Saturday night, I woke up this morning in not my house, found my things and went home. I swore I wasn't heading out tonight but what do you know. May called and dared me to another night of senseless cavorting and I took her up on her dare, anything beats sitting at home mourning about how sad my life is anyway. So here I am, heels in my left hand, toes pinching on the gravel and positively freezing cold in this shirt I turned into a dress for tonight. I am alone, ditched by May who decided she preferred the company of some strange man to me, her 'best friend'. Figures.

I frantically look around for my purse only to discover it hanging on my shoulders. Jeez I'm so plastered I better head home before I commit a crime on myself. I look around for a cab but there's none to be found. Typical. I fumble around for my phone, and clumsily scroll down my contacts to TAXI.

"Hello!" I yell down the phone line, oh it's still ringing
A heavily accented woman comes on the line and asks me where I am. Where? I look around
"I'm not sure" I am aware of my slurring, so I try to control it "Somewhere" I manage to say
"Can you give me an exact address ma'am?"
"um....."
"Or a name of a building? or something around you?"
I look up at the building sign behind me and read it off to her.
She promises that a taxi will be here between five to twenty minutes and hangs up.
"Thank you" I breathe into the dead line
I'm alone.

Until I hear a whistle to my left, two men approaching me. I couldn't see their faces or much of them so I look away,
"watcha up to tonight momma? wanna have some fun?" One of them asks, rubbing his palms together as they come closer
I smile and shake my head
They both come into focus now, one is slightly taller than the other, they look like people I know, or at least people I've seen before. It might be their clothes, or their hair, or the way they talk and walk.
I don't know, but they look typical.
"you sure?" the other one steps slightly behind me
"yeah I'm sure, thank you" uncomfortable, I move away
"you look like you're ready for some fun though, look at you. You all dressed up baby, you look fine. Damn" The first one steps closer
"No, I'm going home actually" I back away again
"oh yeah? where home at?" He takes another step closer
"Please leave me alone" I glare at them, murder on my face.
I know their types, the ones that never give up. I've been fighting these off all my life, I just don't have the strength to do it again tonight.
"alright"
They give me one lingering look, like I was about to change my mind, before sauntering off looking for easy prey.
I'm alone again.

The taxi finally comes and I get into it.
"please don't puke in my car" The Indian man at the driver's seat warns me sternly
"don't worry yourself brother, Imma be just fine" I drawl casually
I hear a low 'hmm' as he turns on some hindu music and pulls out of the parking spot
"You ever see a star and wish on it brother?" I ask as I relax in the back seat, head over the head rest and look out the window
"Excuse me?"
"I don't see any though, there's none to wish on"
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying, look at me. I'm all dressed up brotha, I put on my make up and did my hair up a little. Then I picked this dress, this really short dress coz I wanted to show off my legs, you know. I got nice legs, you see them? shoot, they go on for days" I pat my legs, which are now stretched out in front of me on the seat
"All I'm saying is, what for? you know?" I laugh "what's all this?" I say in a mock British accent
"are you alright?" He asks
"yeah brotha! I'm fine as rain. I'm fine, damn" I laugh
He turns up the volume on his Hindu radio
What's all this?

We finally reach my place and I joke a little with him about coming up for a night cap. He doesn't think it's funny so I pay him and walk up to my door.
The house is dark, it's silent. I look at the time on my phone, 1:32 am
I throw my heels down at the door and drag myself to my bedroom where I dump myself on the bed, only to get half attacked by the cloth hangers I left there before heading out. Muttering a curse word to myself I get up to go put the hangers away and pass by my reflection in the mirror.
I can't look, I know what I'll see and I don't want to see it.
I shrug out of my dress/shirt and throw on some shorts and a tank top and proceed to dump myself on the bed again.
Laying here, I wonder again what's all this?
I hate the silence, I hate hearing myself think, I hate remembering things, anything to do with the past I hate it. I don't even want to think about tonight, I want to sleep. I swear under my breath again, and again and again. Till I think I've drowned out my head-noise.
What's all this?
It comes again, this time I can't out-swear my thoughts, they come flooding in like a river.

What's all this?