To Herself

She stood beside the bus-stop, fists shoved down the front pockets of her jacket, waiting impatiently for the bus. Hood up, clad in all black with blonde braids spilling down her shoulders and over the bump of her midsection, her lips curved up in a sneer as the anger inside her boiled hot.

She was angry, so angry she wanted to hit something, tear it apart and curse at it. Yet, she couldn't do that, not yet anyway. That was why she was waiting for this bus that will take her to the person she could pour out her hot wrath on. It was hard work staying angry though, hard work gathering the wood to throw in the flame and even harder work fanning the flame. She had to keep re-reminding herself of how angry she was, at what happened, and what she was going to do to the person. She imagined the confrontation and every scenario began with her yelling expletives, until the person broke down and cried, even better, begged for forgiveness. But her mind couldn't help but ask…and then what?

She heard a prayer formulating in the back of her mind,
'Peace, father, give me peace. I need you now, in this place'
Suddenly, out of nowhere she burst into tears, something in her head blamed it on the hormones, but she could feel her heart crying out 'where are you!?!'

She felt like a walking irony; life was growing inside, but it was dying on the outside. She wanted to scream. All the pretenses faded away, they annoyed her. She had been smiling all her life, 'show no real emotions' that was the motto wasn't it?
Even the believers she had tried to surround herself with, held her at an arm's length when she tried confessing the numbing pain inside. She was tired, so tired. She just wanted to go home, be by herself, watch something and be real to herself, since no one else would.

'But I need you' she whispered, and took a deep breath that brought with it, peace. The anger she had held onto so tightly had now evaporated, it had been extinguished from her mind, so she turned back and headed home.

I saw a pregnant woman standing at the bus stop outside my workplace, so I got inspired.


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