So with 2015 now here, I have been doing A LOT of thinking about the future..the usual..and as a twenty-something year old African woman, just graduated from University, the frequently asked questions go something along the lines of 'so what's next in your life' *hint hint* with a nudge and a wink, meaning marriage *sigh*. And the big discussions in most of my girl groups revolve around this same topic. We can go on for hours talking about men, weddings, marriages and so on. It's sad, yet exciting at the same time, like doing cocaine (I wouldn't know, I just imagine it could be like that...or not). And of course, with half of my Facebook news-feed portraying marriage proposals, engagements, weddings or new children, there seems to be no way getting around the fact that this is actually happening in my life and so I thought I should address it.
So while addressing this, I have decided that I don't want to be chased
by a guy/man. Okay I lie, I do..and that's the problem. I shouldn't want to be
chased by anybody.
Chasing implies that I am running away from the chaser and I don't want
to run away from the man that I will marry. I want to be found where I am and
to find him where he is. I have come to realize that choosing a
life partner for me, and I think most people in this generation, has to be a
deliberate and intentional choice. I need to try and test every notion and whim
before making a decision, because going off my emotions is disastrous. So I
need to make this decision and stick to it (they say it's for life) so I can't
be running away from it.
Also, I wouldn't respect a chaser. I am obviously running away for a
reason and you either have to be extremely arrogant and have a low view of me
(as a prize) to continue chasing, or you have to have a really low self-esteem
and not believe that you deserve better than the girl that doesn't want to be
with you. Or maybe you're like Hosea and God has told you that I am your Gomer
(eek! I'll stop there). No, I'd rather skip the drama and games and just get on
with things.
This is easier said than done though because regardless of how much this
makes sense to me, I still have to deal with the things that cause me to create
drama where there is no need: Selfishness and a need to be in control. I
strongly believe those are at the root of wanting to be chased. The need
to have it go your way, you essentially want to control the other person. The
moment there is no response, things don't go your way or the other person isn't
crawling on the floor begging for your love, you get sad. You start to feel
sorry for yourself and carry that negative energy into the world around you.
The funny thing is when they do respond, or reach out to you, all of a sudden
they lose value in your eyes. You set yourself up on an ungodly pedestal and
that is not love in any shape or form.
I would rather live my life without all this, but in order to deal with
it, selfishness and a need to control people and situations need to fly out the
window (herein lies my new year’s resolution :P).
I don't want to control my partner and I strongly believe that as I
grow and become more like Christ, this nature will disintegrate.
This leads me into my fourth point for not wanting to be chased. Acts
20:24 "However, I consider my life worth
nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the
task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news
of God’s grace"
This verse always comes to mind while I think of
all this. We talk as if our sole purpose here on earth is to get married..and
yes we don't mean to but that loneliness still creeps up, that
feeling of inadequacy because we're not paired up makes us feel lost like we're
incomplete somehow. This summer I read a lot about God's purpose for our lives
and started thinking 'what if I wasn't supposed to get married'. I want to
and I hope to someday, but what if I don't. Tell this to a group of African
women and watch them suck their teeth and shake their heads at you. After all,
that is not..should not...be my aim.
So in light of all this, my last reason for not
wanting to be chased is this: I would rather my partner chase the task that God
has set out for him than chase me. I too would like to chase after my task as
well and I'd rather he meet me somewhere on the course and we both finish the
race together.
Don't get me wrong, I know I'm supposed to act like
a rare and beautiful flower that some lucky man will come and pluck up someday.
And I believe ladies (and gentlemen) should value themselves thoroughly (not by
worldly standards but by the value God has placed on you which is greater and
more scandalous than we sometimes claim) but I don't believe that that includes
getting chased by some person. If you measure your worth by the amount of
'chasing' you get, I'm afraid you've missed it. Also, if you need to take
some time and figure out whether or not you want to be with someone, I think
that's wise too. As long as the whole point is not to string some poor person
along just for your own glorification, or to want to
string said person along.
The End.
Very nice.
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